


Always Was Always Will Be

by Rospberry



Category: The Professionals
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-20
Updated: 2003-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-02 17:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10223894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rospberry/pseuds/Rospberry
Summary: An extremely literal response to a challenge ‘Kill Doyle…Write something in which Doyle contemplates his own death as his blood is slipping away…’





	

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: An extremely literal response to a monthly challenge in the Prosfanfic Yahoo Group: ‘Kill Doyle…Write something in which Doyle contemplates his own death as his blood is slipping away…’

" _Jesus Christ_ it hurts."

I clutched Bodie's sleeve tighter and screwed my eyes closed against the pain.

Bodie reacted in typical Bodie style, barking aggressive orders into his R/T, summoning the cavalry.

I knew I was scaring him, Christ, I was scaring myself, but I didn't care. I couldn't pretend this was fine. Cos it wasn't. No flippant off-hand jokes, no witticisms about scrapes or near misses. This wasn't something I could laugh off.

Bodie was shaking me and I pried my eyes open and immediately wished I hadn't.

There was too much blood.

Red everywhere: all over me, Bodie, the floor, the walls. Waves of the stuff it seemed like. You wouldn't think a body could bleed so much.

I knew if I could turn, muster the energy to lever myself around and see the wall behind that it too, would be dripping in my blood. And other parts of my insides that I could have done without losing.

I was bloody scared. Yeah, I liked that, _bloody_ scared. Summed it up really. This was bad this time, even without the visual massacre and excruciating pain, I only needed to look into Bodie's eyes and I could see.

He was bloody scared as well.

I didn't want to die. Not here. Not now. Not in some filthy warehouse, on a dirt-encrusted floor, on a Saturday afternoon when I should have been in the pub, or on the bike, or with a bird. Anywhere, absolutely anywhere, but here.

Christ it hurts.

"Bodie..."

His hand, slippery with my blood, catches hold of my free hand that I'm flailing around. Dunno why I'm flailing it, it seems to be the thing to do. Same as I can't help but scrabble my legs, the movement is automatic, panicky, adrenaline induced, feet skidding in the pooling blood.

And why is it so flippin' hard to breathe all of a sudden? It's my stomach full of holes not my lungs.

Bodie holds tight until I calm again but I won't let him go.

_I don't want to die. Please God don't let me die._

I've got too much to do. Want to get married, have kids, change nappies, go to sports days, see Bodie have to deal with being 'Uncle Billy'. See Bodie be happy. Get a house in the country, a dog, some cats. Grow prize-winning tomatoes like me dad. I want to grow old.

I want to live.

_Please._

Oh make the pain go stop. Bodie, make it stop. Please.

All of this 'cause I had to be a bloody hero. Step in the path of a shot gun aimed at Bodie. Why don't I ever learn?

Surely I don't have this much blood in me? It's spreading further now, a puddle...no...a pond of blood.

Half expect some ducks to swim across. Maybe some boats. I could have brought a boat and we could have sailed it on the pond.

Sirens in the distance and I can hear Bodie talking but whether it's to me or someone else I couldn't say. Doesn't matter.

As long as he doesn't go anywhere.

I think the pain's not so bad now, my body isn't fighting as much and I can lessen my hold on his hand, let my eyes close a little. Breathe a little slower.

I think he's shouting. Is he shaking me? I can't tell. Maybe I'm just imagining it.

I feel a bit numb. Was sure there was something important I was concentrating on. Something about dying and-

Or was it something about boats?

Nah, don't think so. There was something about pain and-

Bloody 'ell I feel tired. Don't s'pose anyone will mind if I have a sleep.

I'll be safe enough 'cause Bodie's here.

Bodie'll watch out for me.

Just like I'll always watch out for him.

Always.

Even if he won't always know it.


End file.
